Archive for the ‘Funny Texts’ Category

A Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. AND, she wanted pictures of herself back. So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothes and without) to his girlfriend with the following note: “I don’t remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back.”

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, “Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?”

“None,” replied Johnny, “cause the rest would fly away.”

“Well, the answer is four,” said the teacher, “but I like the way you’re thinking.”

Little Johnny says, “I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?”

“Well,” said the teacher nervously, “I guess the one sucking the cone.”

“No,” said Little Johnny, “the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you’re thinking.”

A wife treats hubby by taking him to a Strip Club for his birthday…At The Club, The Doorman Says, “Hi Jim, How are You?” The wife asks, “How does he know you? Jim says, “Oh dear, I play football with him.” Inside the Bartender Says, “The Usual, Jim?” Jim says to Wife, “Before you say anything, He’s on the Darts Team.” Next a stripper Says, “Hi Jim! Do You Crave the Special Again??” The Wife storms out dragging Jim with her & jumps into a taxi… The Taxi driver Says, “Hey Jimmy Boy! You picked up an ugly one this time….” Jim’s Funeral is on Sunday!!!